Mary Anne’s Deluxe Fruitcake

The late Johnny Carson famously used to joke around the holidays that, “there really is only one fruitcake, and it keeps getting re-gifted every year, because no one actually eats the stuff”. To which I replied, every year, NOT SO!!!!

  OK, my secret is revealed: I love fruitcake. Really, really, love it. For me, a slice of fruitcake and an eggnog are what make Christmas celebrations somehow complete. I know there are people who are not fans, and some who are really turned off by fruitcake in any size, shape, manner, and form. Believe it or not, I sympathize. I’ve had some really nasty mass-produced versions that I wouldn’t dignify as compost. You may have been traumatized by such a one in the past. I want you to know there’s a brighter world out there. And much better fruitcakes. Sure, if you can’t eat nuts, or don’t like raisins or other dried fruits, then you probably aren’t ever going to like it. That’s OK. Fruitcake is a costly baked good to produce, and it shouldn’t be forced on anyone, ever. It’s just not in the Christmas spirit. But oh, if you’re not nut/raisin/dried fruit averse, a good fruitcake is a wonderful thing. Fruitcake went to the South Pole with British explorers. It was made and mailed to servicemen during two world wars. To this day, it is commonly found as a component of afternoon tea in Britain.

  The recipe works just fine if you are gluten intolerant and want to substitute a cup-for-cup gluten-free flour variety. I’ve never tried using flaxseed to substitute for eggs, but it might be worth it as a smaller-batch experiment if you’re vegan. Additionally, when I prepare my cakes each year, I remove candied citron from the fruitcake peel mix (you know, those nasty green things that are a color not ordinarily found in nature) but if you like them, by all means, leave them in. You should also make sure the nuts are chopped rather than whole, or the slices will fall apart when you are cutting the cake. Finally, you can mix this in one large bowl but the batter gets insanely heavy and hard to work if you do it that way. What I do is to split the ingredients into two stock pots, and mix it in two batches. It will still give you an intense upper-body workout.

DARK FRUIT CAKE

Mary Anne Thiesing

I have been reworking this recipe for over 50 years, and I’ve found that you can’t really screw it up as long as you don’t over bake the cakes. The original recipe, which bears very little resemblance to this one, appeared in the New York World-Telegram and Sun on November 7, 1963. 

In one (or two) large stock pot(s) combine:

1 lb. (about 2-3 cups) seeded muscat raisins (otherwise use prunes). I have found a grocery chain out here (Winco) that carries a mixed-raisin medley with some very cool raisins, and I like that best.

1 lb. (about 2 cups) raisins

1 lb. (about 2 cups) golden raisins

1 ½ lb. (2 ¼ cups) dried apricots

10 oz.-1 lb. (about 1 cup) dried currants

1 ¼ lb. (about 4 cups) dried cherries (if you can find them)

1 ½ lb. (about 2 ¼ cups) dried cranberries (Craisins)

1 ½ lbs. (about 2 cups) mixed candied fruits & peels

1 lb. coarsely chopped walnuts

1 lb. coarsely chopped pecans

7 ½ cups sifted flour, spooned and leveled

2 ¼ teaspoons baking soda

1 Tablespoon cinnamon

1 Tablespoon nutmeg

1 ½ teaspoon cloves

1 ½ teaspoon ginger

1 ½ teaspoon salt

3 cups butter or margarine

3 cups sugar

12 eggs, beaten

1 ½ cups molasses

¾ cup apple cider, or cold coffee, or orange juice (Note: The original recipe calls for cold coffee. I prefer either of the juices, apple cider being my favorite, because the coffee adds a bitterness).

• Plump any dried fruits that appear tough by pouring boiling water over, letting stand for 10 minutes, then draining.
• Chop muscat raisins or prunes, and apricots; mix with other raisins, fruits, and nuts in a large bowl or (better yet) a stock pot; set aside. You may want to split this into two batches; the batter becomes incredibly heavy and if you leave it in one pot as you mix, you will definitely get your upper-body workout.
• Mix dry ingredients and sift together. 
• In a separate bowl, beat butter until soft; add sugar and cream together until light and fluffy. Blend the eggs, well beaten, into the butter-sugar mixture; finally, add the molasses and juice or coffee. The batter may curdle but that’s ok.
• Stir the wet ingredients into the raisin-nut mixture until the fruits are well coated, turning from the bottom up. 
• Add sifted dry ingredients and mix until well combined. Spoon into large pans that have been greased and lined with brown or parchment paper, or small pans that have been just greased. Bake at 300° F with a pan of water in the bottom of the oven until done (see recommended baking times). Test for doneness by using a toothpick or baking pick tester; you may see moisture on the pick but it won’t be dark if the cake is done, it’s just all of those glorious fruits. Add rum, brandy or bourbon about once a week and wrap in cheesecloth and plastic until Christmas. Fruitcakes will continue to moisten and mellow as they age. (Make about 1 month ahead).

Note: This will keep a while in a tin, particularly if you add a little rum or whiskey from time to time to keep it moist.